paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
