I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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