Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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