I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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