so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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