I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
