If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
