P.S. I can't hear my feet
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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