Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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