I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
