i just wanna soil my oats bro
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This house was built for laser tag.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
