She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
