he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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