Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
