Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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