she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so let's talk penis.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
