I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
