is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
