Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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