just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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