How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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