I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
sex in a hospital.. check
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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