How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
