I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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