turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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