I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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