the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
