Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
