so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
