Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
