I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
