filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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