Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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