I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You are the jesus of drinking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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