Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
