just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
