real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
