Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
