He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
