you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm too high and old for this...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
