you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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