tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
