a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
