I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
