need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she pinky promised me she was 18
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
