Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
