if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hippo gnu deer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
