I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
