I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
