remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
