your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
