marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
