I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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