I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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