Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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