she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
