Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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