I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
