i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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