You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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