when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
