she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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